You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
