FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize
