my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize