dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
