so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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