College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize