Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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