We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
