every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
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