Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize