he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
