don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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