weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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