I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
