I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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