i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Randomize
