he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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