Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
