hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
