lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
