Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
