Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
