how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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