he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Randomize
