32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
