how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
