Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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