Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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