apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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