can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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