at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
