after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
