Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
