Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
