Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
