I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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