Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
