When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
