also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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