I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i think my tv is drunk
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
That accounts for only three of the penises
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
