I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
