Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
