I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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