it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
