i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
