did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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