His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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