why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
