We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
