She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
