onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Randomize
