Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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