Pants 0. Shit 1.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
The ass gains better be worth it
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize