Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
