The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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