PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
