I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Enjoy the penises
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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