I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
pray to the hookup gods
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
