We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
the liver wants what the liver wants
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
