16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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