didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
you traded sex for a burrito?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
