If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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